Everything I needed to know about being a writer I learned from “A Christmas Story”

by Amanda Hard

Its message is timeless, which is probably why the movie still enjoys a marathon 24-hour broadcast beginning every Christmas Eve. Of course, the take-away message for most viewers of “A Christmas Story” is something sweet about the preciousness of youth, the innocence of the past, or the importance of family and tradition (no matter how screwed up one or the other is.) But for me, the secret message of this film has always been about the writer’s life, as I suspect author and screenwriter Jean Shepherd might have intended. It’s skillfully and subtly accomplished, and he did it with only a few simple bits of narrative voiceover.

1. “Oh! The theme I've been waiting for all my life. Listen to this sentence: ‘A Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time.’ Poetry. Sheer poetry, Ralph! An A+!”

We’re all brilliant, in our own minds. And we’ve all experienced that bright flash of ego and self-impression, when we recognize one of our scribbles as having elevated the written word in a way no Shakespeare or Hemingway ever dreamed. The hyperbole of our inner dialogue knows no bounds, and our hubris bloats exponentially as we read over our versions of Ralphie’s “theme.” We imagine Ellen Datlow or Toni Weisskopf or Joe Quesada in the role of Miss Shields, swooning with ecstatic delight over our stories, swiping clean their desks of those other, “lesser,” manuscripts so as to better appreciate the shining brilliance of our prose.

It’s a most warm and fuzzy fantasy, and it keeps us motivated through the actual process of doing the work. Imagining the delight with which our story will be received is often enough to give us the courage to submit, to query, to pitch. Closing the document after its last revision--the one where it all comes together--what amplifies our satisfaction is the poetry of it all. The sheer poetry. A plus!

What I learned from Jean Shepherd’s screenplay is that Raphie’s fantasy is universal. We’ve all, and I do mean all, had that moment--the moment you crack yourself up reading your dialogue. Or you send chills down your own spine as you think of the monster in your novel. Or you believe you could actually change the world if you could just somehow get sent on the same quest you gave to your protagonist.

In this fantasy, you’ve made ART, darn it, and you wonder how you’ll ever manage to deal with the cross-county speaking tour, and the book signings, and all the publicity and paparazzi. You’re sighing contentedly right now, aren’t you? You aren’t alone. It’s a universal and utterly delightful fantasy, a fantasy that allows you to tell yourself, “Of course I want to be a writer!” A fantasy so lovely you want to rest your head against its shoulder and snuggle up in its warm and encouraging arms. Sigh…

2. “C+? Oh no, it CAN'T be!”

And then there’s the corresponding reality.

You’re never as brilliant as that fantasy wants you to imagine you are.

You have to read the letter or email again and again, and part of you thinks they accidentally sent it to the wrong writer. But no, there’s your name at the top. Your story title. Your purple prose didn’t impress anyone, and not only that, the rejection is a form letter that wasn’t even signed or personalized. No “Please feel free to submit again.” No “it’s not quite what we’re looking for, but what else do you have.” Just “Thanks but no thanks.”

Or maybe you did make the sale but you open up the document with your publisher’s first edits, only to find you can’t even see the words you typed for all the comments and requests for revisions they need, because clearly you have no idea how to plot an entire novel.

C+.

Now the fantasy morphs into Ellen Datlow in a Wicked Witch of the West costume, laughing maniacally and pointing at you. And your own mother is there too, and she’s telling you you’ll shoot your eye out and by the way you need to get off their couch and get a real job because this writing thing isn’t going to pay off your student loans or give her a grandchild.

C+.

Sigh.

3. “Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at its zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us.”

Rejection—in whatever form it takes—it’s painful, period. Whether it’s Thanks but no thanks, or Here are 485 comments and changes, and we need you to rewrite pretty much everything between your last name and ‘the end’—it hurts (if only the ego) the same.

Of course, a request for revision isn’t a rejection, and even rejection doesn’t equate to “poor quality,” but in the fantasy world you’ve set up, Christmas is ruined. The turkey is in pieces on the floor, the china is broken, there’s dog fur on everything, all the glue is used up, and you’re really, really hungry.

And now you have a choice to make.

Do you sweep up the remains of the kitchen and collapse in tears? Or do you pack up the family and announce, “We’re going out!”
Chinese turkey isn’t that bad, actually. And it leads you to understand one last, especially important thing:

4. “I slowly began to realize that I was not going to be destroyed.”

Too many of us forget this simple fact.

I only used a small sampling of Facebook friends, but based on my research, I have discovered that having a story rejected does not actually cause you to wither and die. Getting revision requests from your publishers can cause skin irritation and sometimes hives, but these are both treatable and tend to clear up by themselves once the book is in actually on the store shelf.

Rejection might actually mean Mom is on your side, covering for your behavior and trying to make sure you don’t embarrass yourself in print.

Daddy isn’t going to “kill” Ralphie.

You will survive this. And you will learn from it. The rejected story will get workshopped. You’ll fix the gaping plot holes in the novel. You’ll realize you had too many characters or not enough characters to actually care about. You may revise it; you may reject it yourself and start another one. But most importantly, you’ll survive to do it all over again. Because it’s what you do. It’s what you are. Nobody’s playing “Taps” in the backyard. What you hear is a typewriter.

You won’t be destroyed.

You’ll do it again. Better, even.

You’re a writer.

Fa-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra.

The Iron Man Cometh?

The technology behind the popular super hero is closer than you think.

By David Merline/Web2Carz.com 

Tony Stark—the brilliant engineer whose pursuit of a weapon of mass destruction caused him to suffer a massive injury, which necessitated the creation an elaborate suit of armor that gave him supernatural powers—is a fictional character created by Stan Lee. The superhero who would become known as Iron Man has enthralled comic fans since 1963 and has more recently become the star of the latest Hollywood superhero franchise. 

As played by Robert Downey, Jr. in the three recent films (including Iron Man 3 which opens on May 3), the character of Tony Stark was based in part on Tesla Motors CEO Elon Musk, but don’t let that fact (or the character’s comic book origins) fool you into thinking that Iron Man’s powers are strictly the stuff of fantasy. Much of Iron Man’s technology is already here, or will be in the not-too-distant future.

Here’s a look at a few of the things that may or may not be coming to a superhero near you soon.

Body Armor
The thing that makes Iron Man an iron man is his robotic exoskeleton. According to an article published in the MIT Technology Review in 2011, this technology is a mere five years away. And since the article is two years old, that means we only have to wait three more years. But don’t get too excited, the initial versions, being produced by RaytheonSarcos, will need to be tethered to a power source. A free-roaming version is another decade in the offing.

Augmented Reality
Iron Man’s ability to perceive an augmented reality, where information about what he is seeing and hearing can be shown to him in a heads-up-display manner, is important to his ability to fight the bad guys. The development of Google Glass is obviously a huge step in this direction. If it doesn’t end up being a massive distraction that causes people to walk into things, Google Glass, or some similar technology, could greatly enhance our experience of the world.

Bad-Guy Sensors
In one scene from Iron Man, our hero is able to separate the bad guys hiding amid a group of civilians using some sort of identity-recognizing sensors. While modern military technology has made so-called surgical strikes on enemy targets possible, if being able to tell the good guys from the bad guys was so easy, we’re guessing 9/11 would never have happened.

Advanced Voice-Control
Voice-control technology is also not in its infancy, but as anyone with an iPhone knows, it’s far from perfect. However, this is a technology that is being developed rapidly, so we expect to see Iron-Man-like abilities within a decade or so.

Healing Ability
Iron Man’s Extremis upgrade (comic version only) gave healing powers to the metal man, but so far there’s no such technology available outside the superhero universe.

Jet Boots
Let’s face it, without the jet boots and the ability to fly, Iron Man’s just a souped-up Roman Centurion. Despite their popularity in science fiction, jet packs and jet boots seem to remain a distant dream. There have been some almost-successful attempts at building jet packs, but their range is usually limited. The United States Air Force abandoned its research into jet packs, since already-available helicopter technology is far more practical.

Robotic Enemies
Drone warfare may be one aspect of the Iron Man movies that follows, rather than imagines, existing technology. The U.S. military has been using experimenting with aerial vehicles (UAV)—or drones—since 1916. Nikola Tesla imagined remote control combat vehicles in 1915. UAVs were used in Vietnam, the Yom Kippur War, and, most recently, in Afghanistan and Iraq.

Alcoholism
While not exactly a secret weapon or superpower, alcoholism has been a defining aspect of Tony Stark’s personality since 1979’s Demon In a Bottle issue (Iron Man #128). Speaking in advance of the 2008 Iron Man film, director Jon Favreau announced that in the films Stark would retain this characteristic. "Stark has issues with booze. That's part of who he is,” Favreau said. "I don't think we'll ever do the Leaving Las Vegas version, but it will be dealt with.” Alcoholism affects fifteen-percent of Americans, according to the National Institutes of Health, making it an issue that is anything but futuristic.

Sex Scenes: It’s Not About the Sex

 By Corrina Lawson

To close the bedroom door or fling it wide open? That’s the question authors face when they reach the point in a story where characters are going to have sex.

The answer to the question is in knowing that sex scenes aren’t about the sex.

As my writing mentor, Jennifer Crusie teaches, a scene is a unit of conflict between two people with opposing goals. Conflict is what makes a scene work, what makes it pop so a reader pays attention. Think of the hottest sex scenes you’ve read or watched on television. At the heart, there is a conflict.

If there is no conflict, the sex scene fails to, um, climax. In those cases, it’s better to shut the bedroom door and leave it to the imagination.

A classic example of shutting the door on sex are Nick and Nora Charles in the Thin Man movies. Their conflict came from their verbal jousting. Once they were done with the banter, there was no reason to show the sex. (Though one wishes that movie censors of the time at least let them share the same bed.)

Castle, a television show that’s an intellectual descendant of the Thin Man, is a modern example of less is more. Castle and Beckett became a couple at the end of last season with a very hot kiss because it was about Beckett trying to show how much she cared about Castle, while he resisted. (At least initially.)

Cut to the current season. The show begins not with a sex scene but with a barely clothed Beckett bringing Castle his morning coffee in bed. Since neither is sure of exactly what the sex meant to the relationship, they talk and reassure each other that, yes, this is real, and, yes, they’re together. There’s a little banter at the end but instead of a sex scene next, they’re interrupted. Which is as it should be, because the conflict in that scene ended when they knew their relationship was on solid ground.

Throughout the current season, viewers have seen little of Castle and Beckett in bed or even kissing. Instead, the writers have defaulted back to their ever-present banter, albeit with an added sexual edge. It works wonderfully.

On the opposite extreme is the Spartacus series on Starz network. This is a show that specializes in conflict-ridden sex. Given the show is soaked in nudity, it’s surprising how much intensity individual sex scenes can contain. There is an obvious difference between the sex in the show as background noise and the scenes in which two people make love.

In the first season, the slave Mira is sent to Spartacus to make sure he can play his part as a stud to a rich Roman woman the next night. He refuses to touch Mira because he doesn’t care about her. But when they finally make love, it’s because Mira has fallen a little bit in love with Spartacus and truly wants him. For his part, he’s come to care for her as a person. Under those circumstances, he’s more than willing. Their first sex is full of Mira’s need to make him love her, whereas Spartacus isn’t even close to love yet, he only wants to feel alive. It’s their different expectations that fuel the scene and it’s absolutely necessary to see them in the act to understand their conflict.

Another conflict-fueled scene is in Spartacus: Vengeance between Illythia and her husband, Glabor. They’ve been busy fighting and hurting each other all season. But after Illythia gets rid of her romantic rival, they make love while caked in blood, a sex scene between that is both horrific and hot at the same time. She’s trying to bring him back to her life, and he finally gives in.

Finding that conflict to make a sex scene work is not easy. I’ve written only one erotica short story, Freya’s Gift, because of that difficulty.

Freya’s Gift has four sex scenes, with a climactic (pun intended) three-way male/female/male sex scene at the heart of the story. A plague has killed nearly all the women of this particular Viking tribe and only by making a sacrifice can the Chief’s wife become fertile and bring new life to the tribe. The sacrifice includes making herself available to another man in the tribe to ensure conception.

This means the Chief must agree to a three-way sex ritual before the goddess Freya with his wife and another man.

This creates all kinds of conflict during the sex. Will the Chief back away? What if his wife enjoys the ritual and her husband (who she loves) rejects her after? What if the other man pursues her after the ritual? What the men want each other?

To answer all these questions, the sex had to be on the page.

Conflict is the difference between tab A into slot B and a scene that keeps a reader glued to the story. Otherwise, it’s just naked bodies moving around.

=========================================================

Corrina is former newspaper reporter with a degree in journalism from Boston University. She turned to writing fiction after her twins were born (they were kids three and four) to save her sanity. Corrina is currently senior editor of GeekMom and a core contributor to its brother site, Geek Dad. Often you can find her hanging out on comic book writer Gail Simone’s forum on Jinxworld. She has been a finalist in the national Golden Heart contest sponsored by the Romance Writers of America and is the winner of several regional RWA contests. She is the author of three stories in the alternate history Seneca series, Freya’s Gift, Dinah of Seneca and Eagle of Seneca, and three stories in her superhero romance stories from Samhain, Phoenix Rising, Luminous and Phoenix Legacy. She is the co-writer of The GeekMom Book, was published by the Potter Craft division of Crown Publishing in October 2012. For more information, visit her website at http://corrina-lawson.com.

How To Write

by Jeff Deischer

PART 1: BEFORE YOU BEGIN

Before you begin writing, there are a few things you ought to know about your story: The story premise, your characters, the setting and the genre.

Unlike what you see in movies and TV shows, you don’t just sit down at your computer and begin typing, not even, I think, if you’ve given what you want to write a lot of thought. Personally, I outline anything over a few thousand words, and sometimes even works shorter than that. Even if I don’t strictly need to – I can write a short story from scratch with just a few plot points in my head – I find that my work is better when I have a plan beforehand; I’ve worked out little plot devices and details that I would probably miss by just writing off the top of my head. Writing is one endeavor where the more thought you give it, the better the end result will be.

STORY IDEA

Of course, you have to know what your story will be about. This is probably where you’ll normally -- thought not necessarily always -- start.  What is your story about?  Story ideas are easy to come by; your story could about anything that interests you -- a machine that can do something interesting; a friendship or romance between two people; a battle; etc. You should be able to describe your basic story idea in a sentence or two.

One thing you need to do at this time is decide the scope or boundaries of your story, though this may actually change once you really begin thinking about things. For example, not every World War II story is about the entire war; some are about a small group of people in a particular place over a short period of time. That brings us to Setting.

SETTING

Setting is the where and when of the story. This might be determined by your story idea, but maybe not. Some ideas will fit in many places or many times. It is important to pick a setting that you can write convincingly about; this makes your story more realistic. You can learn about settings through personal experience (places you have been); movies or books that you liked (a Western, for example) or by research. For an authentic flavor, read something by someone who was at the setting you want to write about, if possible. For example, if you want to write a story about the moon landing, read accounts of people involved in that. This is not crucial, but sometimes it is helpful. You don’t necessarily want to copy their account, as it may not be very interesting; writing styles have changed over time, and you are writing for people who are living and reading now. The advantage of fiction is that you can add or delete information to make your account more interesting.

CHARACTERS

Of course, you have to know who is in your story. Events happened to or because of people – individual people. Telling the story of a town that was wiped out by a flood is so much more interesting if it is told from the perspective of one person, or a small group. People are as interesting as events. I can’t overstate how important that is to remember. So many stories would have been less interesting with uninteresting characters.

Characters have: personality traits (habits they have or things they like or dislike), history (what did they do before the story?) and relationships (friends, family, etc.). And don’t forget names. Some writers give their characters that mean something. For example, lawyer Perry Mason parries attacks against his client while building a case. Other authors choose names based on how they sound.

GENRE

Genre is something to think about once you get used to writing, I think. In the beginning, just write what interests you. A genre is a broad subject of setting: Western, Science Fiction, Romance, etc. When someone tells you that they have Western, you expect certain things: Cowboys or gunfighters or Indians, in the U.S. in the 19th century. If you ever write seriously, hoping to sell stories, you must be conscious of genres.  Each genre has its own conventions, what a reader expects when reading a book in that genre. For a (traditional) murder mystery, a reader expects to have all the suspects introduced early in the story, and a meeting at the end of the book where the detective names the murderer. In James Bond (or many action-adventure hero stories), the villain doesn’t kill Bond when he has the chance to -- instead he keeps the hero around and explains what his scheme is. These are just two examples -- and simple ones -- of genre convention. 

PART 2: PLOT

As I said, it is fairly easy to come up with story ideas. The hard part is turning them into stories. After you’ve decided on setting and developed your characters, the next step is plot: What happens when, and to whom. One event leads into another. The longer the story, the more complex the plot. In a short story, plots can be very simple.

Stories are composed of three parts: Beginning, Middle and End.  In the beginning, you introduce all the characters and the situation that they must deal with. In the middle, they deal with the problem -- that is the essence of a story, people dealing with problems. How does your original story idea cause or solve a problem?  The problem is solved in the end, all the questions answered; readers should not be wondering about anything in the story once they reach the end, generally speaking. Of course, there’s an exception to almost every rule, but let’s stick with the basics for now.

A lot of plotting is choreography – figuring out who is where and what they are doing – which leads to later actions in the story.

PART 3: STYLE

Everything in a story must serve a purpose: It must either advance the plot or must tell the reader about the characters. Not every story does this in equal parts. Some stories have very little happening, but we get to know the characters very well. This describes the so-called “women’s movies”, or “chick flicks” (also known as “dramas”). In this type of story, it is expected that a character is changed by events of the story. This is sometimes called “serious” fiction.

Other stories are almost all action -- one event quickly leading into the next, each one a step towards solving the problem of the story -- with very little characterization. Do we ever know much more about James Bond at the end of a movie than we did at the beginning? Sometimes a little, but usually not much. This is what I was saying about character: Bond is an interesting character so we want to watch him do things.

NARRATION AND DIALOGUE

Writing in stories is composed of two parts: Narration and dialogue. Narration is the text that describes what is happening, and dialogue what people say.

Anyone can narrate a story; usually it is the “third person” -- an unidentified “someone” who knows everything that is happening. Some stories are told by a person in the story; this is “first-person”. This is literally as if he is telling the story to the reader.

Good dialogue is difficult for a beginning writer to write. It is common to make all of your characters to speak like you do. If you can, try to recall how different people you know speak. Some use certain words that most people don’t. Some speak in slang.  Some emphasize certain words differently than others. This is not something you should expect to get right right away, so just do your best.

Characterization is essential. People want to read about interesting characters. What constitutes “interesting” is in the eye of the beholder, but your characters must be distinct and predictable – by the end of a novel, readers should have a good idea of how your major characters are going to act, how they are going to respond to certain situations.

STYLE

Not all writing involves narration – for example, scripts for movies or TV only need clear, unembellished descriptions of action and dialogue. All prose uses narration. Although different writers have styles that you can easily recognize, there are a few “rules” to writing:

1. Vary your sentence structure. Use some simple sentences. Start some sentences with clauses, end others with them.  If you use all simple sentences, your story will sound like a children’s book. Needless to say, this not very interesting for adult readers.

2. When writing action, use shorter sentences and more simple sentences. This makes it seem as though the action is happening more quickly, because readers are going through actions more quickly due to the shorter sentences.

3. You don’t want your paragraphs too short or too long.  A paragraph describes one idea. That is the rule of thumb. Sometimes you may not know what that idea is until you’ve written the paragraph and realize that you actually should have two, for example.

4. Often, you will have to describe the same person or thing over and over in a story. Try not to use the same word again and again. Find words that mean the same thing and vary them from sentence to sentence. And you want to try not to use the same noun, verb or adjective in two sentences in a row.

EDITING

It is okay to write whatever comes into your mind as you write, following your plot. You have time to go back and fix things after you are done. It is better to write too much and remove some later than not to write enough and not clearly explain everything to the reader.

PART 4: PRACTICE

Practice, practice, practice! That means write whenever you can. I know it may sound silly, but practice at writing will make you a better writer. You will naturally come to find your own style as a writer, become better at plot and dialogue. The more you write, the more quickly you will become a better writer.

(c) 2013 Jeff Deischer

===================================================

Jeff Deischer is a writer of adventure fiction and of non-fiction about adventure fiction. His passions are his wife, writing, his cat Gray Mouser, pulp fiction and Silver Age Marvel comics and doing the right thing ... not necessarily in that order. For more information, visit http://jeffdeischer.blogspot.com/

The Only Creative Writing Manual You'll Ever Need

by D.A. Adams

This is the only creative writing manual you'll ever need.

Chapter One - Prewriting

Come up with the seed of an idea. Ponder on it; think about it; dream about it. Get to know your characters and listen to them. They'll tell you the story. Do some research to learn about the subjects you'll need to know to build your world. If you need an explanation as to why that's important, you have no business trying to write fiction. Also, read. A lot.

Build as much of an outline as you need to get started. Do what works for you. If you don't know yet, do something and see how it goes. If that doesn't work, scrap it and try something else. Keep all your notes; bookmark internet pages; scribble on napkins; text yourself. Have some kind of plan before you start writing.

Chapter Two - Writing

Find the self-discipline to write every day, at least four or five days a week. Set realistic weekly page goals and meet them. Always remember, if you create one page a day every day five days a week, at the end of the year, you'll have a complete rough draft. Two pages, and you can write two books a year. So stop making excuses and go write. Don't wait for next November. Start today. Try to write at the same time and place if you can. If that doesn't work for you, write when and where you can.

Don't worry about mistakes. You're going to make them. Lots of them. If you worry about mistakes you'll never finish anything. Just write. Allow yourself to take chances and fail. Write stupid crap; write incoherent nonsense; write long-winded, poetic sentences full of symbolism; write short, declarative sentences; write awful dialogue. Just write and don't think about it.

Listen to your characters and write what they tell you. Don't interrupt them; damn sure, don't contradict them; listen to them. They know the story better than you ever will. Trust them.

Chapter Three - Rewriting

Let someone read your rough draft and rip it to pieces. Some people prefer working one-on-one; others prefer writing groups. Do what works for you. Let them bleed all over it and put your ego in check. Your ego is stupid and selfish and doesn't care about your story. Look closely at the feedback; ponder it; weigh it. Fix what you agree with. Keep what you don't believe needs changing as long as it's not your stupid ego talking.

Find all of that crap and nonsense and terrible dialogue you let yourself write and fix it. Make it sound like you're telling the story to your best friend. Polish. Polish some more. Put it away for a few weeks and then polish even more. Care about the quality of what you created. Have some pride and passion about your work. Love it like a child.

Chapter Four - Publishing

Good luck. Don't get discouraged.

Chapter Five - Promoting

Pester the hell out of everyone you know to read your book. Repeat often. Be proud of what you've done. Make others want to read it. Or tell them it's not for them. Sometimes that works, too.

Chapter Six - Repeating

Repeat chapters one through five until your brain deteriorates too much to continue. Then, retire.

Epilogue

This is all you need to know. Don't waste $70,000 on graduate school. Read some good books instead. Especially nonfiction. Nonfiction will feed your brain better than fiction sometimes. If anyone tries to sell you a creative writing manual, ask them why they have to make a living selling creative writing manuals. If anyone tries to tell you they know the one correct way to write, slap the shit out of them and never listen to anything they say again. That person is either really stupid or a cult leader. Don't waste time on either. If your ego ever tells you you've learned all you need to know about writing, tell it to go to hell. Your ego is stupid.

=========================================================

D.A. Adams was born in Florida but was raised in East Tennessee. He received a Master of Arts in Writing from the University of Memphis in 1999 and has taught college English for over a decade. His first novel, The Brotherhood of Dwarves, was released in 2005 and has been described as a solid, honest work about camaraderie, bravery, and sacrifice, a very personal journey, more interested in the ways that a person is changed by life's events than in epic battles and high magic. In 2008, the sequel, Red Sky at Dawn, was released to the exaltation that this novel thunders along, at times with dizzying speed. The action is visceral and imaginative without being gratuitous. Book three, The Fall of Dorkhun, came out in 2011, followed by book four, Between Dark and Light, in 2012.

In terms of writing style, Adams exhibits an effortless narrative voice and a masterful balance between richly detailed descriptions and tightly worded minimalism. The pacing of his stories is breathtaking, with relentless action and captivating plot twists that keep readers riveted page after page. But his true talent as a writer lies in character development. Readers find themselves empathizing with, fearing for, and cheering on the characters as they overcome their personal shortcomings and grow as fully rendered individuals. Adams is also the father of two wonderful sons and, despite his professional accomplishments, maintains that they are his greatest achievement in life. He resides in East Tennessee.

Website  http://daadams.com/ 
Google+  https://plus.google.com/u/0/110672225013868056383/posts
Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/authordaadams
Twitter  @biggunsalex

Bad Girls, Good Guys, and Two-Fisted Action is looking for guest bloggers!

If you're a writer who likes to write (or talk) about writing as much as actually write, then I'm looking for you.

As you probably know, maintaining a writer's blog and keeping fresh, interesting, practical and helpful content constantly updated is no small chore -- and quite a time-consuming one. So... I need your help.

What I'm looking for are short articles on the craft or spirit of writing, reading, creating, and/or balancing the creative and everyday life. Articles that are genre-specific, such as "Writing Steampunk" or "Keeping Suspense in Romance" are perfectly acceptable and oh so welcome. Articles that ignore genre altogether such as "Falling in Love with Sounds -- The Poetry of Prose" are equally perfect for what I'm looking for.

If you've got a nugget you want to share, please email me at staylor104@aol.com and I'll add you to the schedule. Please be sure to include a bio and links to your web presence.

Thanks.

The Watson Report: How Bad Guys Die

How Bad Guys Die
by I.A. Watson 

 

I’ve been giving some thought to how master villains tend to meet their ends. Some common ways much beloved of adventure fiction are:

Desperate Last Struggle: The hero and villain slug it out one last time, for all the marbles. This often takes place in a significant location, such as the lip of a volcano or on a high girder over the city, or while a countdown clock ticks away to destruction. The hero seems outmatched – the villain cheats – but there’s one final heroic push…

A Duel With His Opposite: “We’re not so different, you and I.” Hero and villain finally duel to discover who is superior with the weapon/technique/skill of their choice in an honourable clash to the death. Turns out our hero was just that tiny bit better after all.

One Slim Chance: The villain is getting away or is about to launch his doomsday device or something else. “Nothing can stop me now!” Our hero has one long shot and he takes it. Mid-gloat, the villain’s brains are splattered across the control console.

Delayed Retribution: The villain begs for his life. The hero spares him. Then, as soon as the hero turns away, the villain pulls his hidden dagger. But the hero is ready for him, swings round, and shoots him dead. Hey, the villain had a last chance and he wasted it!

No Escape From Justice: Our hero is free. He lurks in the shadows, implacable, unstoppable. The villain loses his nerve, flees… but the henchmen he left behind to cover his trail are quickly taken down and terrible vengeance looms out of the darkness to bring the villain screaming to his final end.

Defeat at a Terrible Cost: To destroy the villain, the hero or someone close to him must also sacrifice his or her life! Common symptoms are lunging for the aircraft controls to force a power-dive, shooting into the reactor core, and grabbing the baddie then leaping into the volcano.

Victim’s Revenge: That girl he done wrong, that kid who’s father he murdered, that dog whose puppies he slaughtered get their final, unexpected moment of triumph. The villain faces karmic reprisal. Natural justice is restored.

Villain’s Own Hubris: He was warned not to open that casket, or to try and use that artefact, or to try and usurp the power of the gods. He didn’t listen. Now nature/terrible monster/the gods have turned on him to accomplish his doom.

The Minion Snaps: Faced with one abuse too many, the villain’s henchman finally turns on his master. The girl was the only one who was ever kind to him! And there the minion stands, right next to the lever that released the mind-squids!

Killed By Irony: The villain’s greatest weapon is turned against him. With the all-powerful death-cannon strapped to his arms he can’t reach the cancel destruct button in time. That useless peasant he killed in chapter three was the only one who knows where the antidote is hidden. It’s a bad idea to discharge your taser disruptor into an enemy when you’re both standing in the sewage. Common variants of this include The Briar Patch Trick - Goaded into some action which seems clever or evil, the villain in fact accomplishes his own doom, and The Past Catches Up – Some early part of the villain’s history, usually linked to his origin, comes back to haunt him and bring about downfall.

The Price of Failure: The villain allowed the hero to get away. His plans are ruined. Now his dark master/demon he sold his soul to/angry subordinates turn on the villain and punish him for his defeat.

An Unexpected Moment of Heroism: Hero and villain must team up to defeat an even greater menace. The villain makes a final noble act of atonement for his wickedness.

The Villain’s Death Is Part of the Plan: Now nobody can input the lost launch codes and stop the end of the world. The villain dies to accomplish his goals and has one final laugh at his heroic enemy. A variant of this is Mutual Assured Destruction – the villain triggers the explosion that destroys him and his adversary together.

Definitely Dead Till Next Time: And a special mention goes to all those “assumed” deaths where the body vanishes. Falls over cliffs or huge base-destroying explosions are best for this, but there are plenty of elaborate scenarios where the villain seems to be gone for good but isn’t. They come in two flavours: 1. The villain planned it all along, and 2. The villain wouldn’t have survived except for a lucky coincidence; in the second version he may also return horribly scarred.

Points are awarded for anyone who can suggest another category and for anyone who can cite a movie or book where each of these endings applies.