[Link] Editing Your Own Work: How to Dismember Your Darlings

by Jasper Bark

Sir Arthur Quiller Couch, the patron saint of modern grammar nazis and bedroom blog critiques, famously said: “writing is murdering your darlings”. While this quote might suggest that it probably is a good idea to keep most writers locked in their studies for days on end without any human contact, or a change of underwear, it’s not actually because they have homicidal tendencies.

I’ll quite happily admit it’s not a good idea to marry a writer, not because you’ll fear for your life every time they dig a big hole in the back garden (it probably is just for that triffid they’ve always wanted to grow). It’s simply because they’re not legendary for the size of their pay packets. I’ll also agree that you shouldn’t leave them in charge of a room full of school children, but only because of their irregular underwear habits, not because you’ll have another Columbine on your hands.

What the Edwardian uber-critic Sir Arthur was actually getting at was the ruthlessness with which all writers should approach their work, especially when it comes to editing. I’m quite aware of what a painful chore editing can be. So much thought, so much effort and so many beautiful words went into your story and now you have to throw some of them away forever. It’s like clearing out your bookshelves and deciding which of your six copies of Farenheit 451 you’re going to get rid of. The old battered edition was the copy you read in school, whereas this one has a really cool Kelly Freas cover – oh, and you bought this one cos the gorgeous book seller recommended it and that eventually got you laid. I mean how often does a book purchase get you LAID, you can’t part with this one…

Continue reading: http://www.thisishorror.co.uk/columns/injured-eyeballs/editing-work-dismember-darlings/

[Link] Writers are full of shit (and where ideas really come from)

By Jasper Bark

Writers, gentle reader, are SO full of shit it beggars belief!

Considering I’m a writer myself, and knowing the silo loads of shit with which I’m stuffed, it shouldn’t really beggar my belief. But let’s just say, for the benefit of this column, that it does. Let me give you an example of this outrageous and completely unqualified claim.

If, like me, you’re in contact with a lot of writers through twitter and facebook (and if you’re reading this I’m presuming you are, unless you’ve just stopped by because you heard this column contains celebrity fisting anecdotes) then I’m sure you’ve read a tweet or status update like this one:

Just written 4,000 words of my latest novel before breakfast and done 50 laps of my Olympic size swimming pool. Now I’m off to make love to my super model partner – WOOT!

What the writer might not realise, as they type those words, is that the word ‘CUNT’ springs involuntarily to the lips of every other writer who reads them. Not because we’re eaten up with bitterness and jealousy (which we are), but because the claim they make is so intrinsically opposed to the actual experience of writing professionally. A more honest post would read something like:

Just stared desperately at my laptop screen until I wept tears of pure blood, then beat my forehead against my desk for over an hour. Now I’m off to inject smack into my eyeball and lie on the piles of unpaid bills that clog my hallway.

Maybe it’s because this is so much the norm for our careers that, on those rare days when we do manage to be positively productive, we want to share the joy with our writer brothers and sisters. Or maybe it’s because, as stated previously, writers are FULL of shit.

Continue reading: http://www.thisishorror.co.uk/columns/injured-eyeballs/writers-are-full-of-shit-and-where-ideas-really-come-from/