Sunday Funnies: Haunted Bookstore

[Link] 40 SCARIEST BOOKS OF THE LAST 200 YEARS

 

by Sarah Mangiola

Creepy stories are as old as mankind, and the really good ones will continue to frighten generations to come.

We’re looking back through the scariest books of the past two centuries – from chilling gothic classics to post-apocalyptic tales of caution. These terrifying tales leave readers restless, never quite sure where fiction ends and reality begins.

Page through our master list below, and you’re guaranteed to stumble across a new nightmare in no time at all.

Read the full article: http://www.the-line-up.com/40-scariest-books-of-the-last-200-years/

Happy Halloween! Festive All Hallow's Eve! Blessed Samhain!

 Enjoy your spooky goodness today,

all you monsters and ghouls! 

Spooky Stories That Affected You

For our Halloween week writer roundtable, tell us the spookiest or creepiest book or story you've ever read and why it affected you. 

Amelia Sides: Children of Men. *Waves vaguely at our current state of affairs*

Danielle Procter Piper: It's a very short story... I wish I could recall the title or author, but it's published in a book I read long ago. Two medical students are still cleaning up their workspace after class has ended and begin a conversation about how cadavers sometimes move due to a buildup of gases in their decomposing bodies. They've even been known to sit up or fall off tables! As they finish up, they wheel their cadaver down the hall to the elevator to return to the morgue...and a power failure leaves them stuck between floors in total darkness. That's it. I think the story might be three pages long? So, anything frightening that could happen in real life scares me, while fantasy horror is just for fun. This, Misery scares me more than any other Stephen King story. It could happen. It's the difference between the news and a nightmare you had.

Seth Tucker: Shirley Jackson’s The Haunting of Hill House and Matheson’s Hell House spooked me. Despite being two very different styles of haunted house stories, Jackson got to me because of the unreliable narrator, which leaves every event in question, while Matheson made you believe in a malevolent cadre of specters enjoying the torment they filed out, and then that reveal at the end. Both of them build atmosphere equally though, which I don’t see as much in more modern ghost stories.

UPDATED FOR HALLOWEEN 2025! Horror Movies that Influence Me as a Writer

 

Note: This is an update to this post. So many new movies have come out and I've caught up on a few I still had managed to miss from the "good old days" that it felt like the right time to update this list. 

As a writer of horror stories and connoisseur of scary flicks, I get asked a lot what my favorite horror movies are. Well, it's not that simple with me (it never is; ask my wife and kids). There are so many and how can one possibly pick a favorite when there are favorites in so many subgenres? (It's like how my wife tells me she can have more than one best friend when "best" is a superlative, not a comparative.) 

Anyway, as of this moment in time (subject to change), this is my list of favorite horror movies (and those that influenced my ideas and my writing) categorized by subgenre. 

If you want to consider this your own "to watch" list, I won't stop you. It's a fantastic list (at least in my opinion) of the essential horror stories committed to film. 

FYI, you will notice some crossover between subgenres, because, well, that's just the way horror works. 

New Category#1! Sinister Locations

My son Evan recommended that I include this as a new category, and the more I thought about it, he was right. I don't include a mere haunted house tale in this list though. Those will be under Ghost Stories/Haunted Houses. This list is reserved for a place that is more than haunted; it is cursed, unclean, unwelcoming and out to get you.

1. Hausu

2. As Above, So Below

3. YellowBrickRoad

4. In the Mouth of Madness

5. Dead & Buried

6. The Shining

7. Messiah of Evil

8. The Watcher in the Woods

9. Silent Hill

10. Dave Made a Maze

11. Suicide Forest

12. Population 436

13. Cabin in the Woods

14. Pet Sematary

15. Southbound

16. Skinamarink

17. The Dark

18. Neon Demon

19. Jugface

20. Waxworks

New Category#2! Kaiju

Who doesn't love giant monsters? It all began with the two kings, Kong and Godzilla. But American sci-fi quickly picked up on the theme and gave us lots of giant monsters thanks to the dangers of atomic bombs and chemicals polluting our waters. 

1. King Kong 1933

2. Gojira 1954

3. Godzilla Minus-1

4. Troll Hunter

5. Tremors

6. Them

7. King Kong 2005

8. The Host

9. Godzilla 2014

10. Destroy All Monsters

11. Monsters

12. Cloverfield

13. Mothra

14. Rodan

15. Kong: Skull Island

16. Tarantula

17. The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms

18. Nope 

19. The Mist

20. Q the Winged Serpent

21. Pacific Rim

22. Attack of the 50 Foot Women

23. The Blob 1988

24. Anaconda

25. Colossal 

The Halloween Rerun Show

It's Halloween again! This time of the year is one of my favorite seasons and holidays. A time to celebrate the ghoulish and ghastly, and enjoy the scares. In  honor of this time of the year, here are several of my favorite Halloween themed posts from this here little blog that could.

Cover up with a blanket if it makes you feel safer.

Enjoy.

Classic Scares in Black and White
http://seanhtaylor.blogspot.com/2015/10/classic-scares-in-black-and-white.html

The Queens of Scream
http://seanhtaylor.blogspot.com/2015/10/the-queens-of-scream.html

Outgrow Horror Movies? Never.
http://seanhtaylor.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-writer-will-take-your-questions-now_12.html

Required Reading: 50 of the Best Horror Comics
http://seanhtaylor.blogspot.com/2015/10/halloween-link-required-reading-50-of.html

Scare Me
http://seanhtaylor.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-writer-will-take-your-questions-now_10.html

Happy Halloween! Blessed Samhain!

Enjoy your spooky goodness today,
all you monsters and ghouls! 

Free Hallowreading from Bobby Nash and Rick Johnson! Operation Silver Moon!

Are you ready for a free Halloween treat?

A free read for Halloween week. You can read the ebook of Operation: Silver Moon, a graphic novel written by Bobby Nash with art by Rick Johnson. You can get the ebook FREE on Amazon from now through Halloween Night (ends at midnight Pacific Time). Grab yours today! 

https://www.amazon.com/Operation-Silver-Moon-Bobby-Nash-ebook/dp/B00XH21C0U

Halloween Re-Runs: Writing the Scary -- 7 Tips for Creating Horror and Dread with Words

by Sean Taylor

What’s the scariest scene you’ve ever seen in a horror flick? Why was it scary?

Now I know some of you are going to default to either scenes of gratuitous (now there’s a loaded word if ever I’ve seen one), gore or perhaps others will immediately think of a jump scare, but I want us to think even deeper than that? What scared you even deeper than the moment of the scare? What really stayed with you and made you think twice about taking that dark alley, what caused you to make sure you got home before the woods at the park started to get dark, what got lodged in your brain and made you check the closet twice before being sure no one was hiding there so you could relax and go to sleep?

For me, those are the true scares, the deep frights, the fears that rattle us at our cores and stick with us.

Case in point. Okay, well, two cases in point. Both from my own movie-going experience.

Case 1: Window Scratching

I saw the original television broadcast of Salem’s Lot when I was way too young. At the time, my bedroom was made up of a former back porch and had glass shutters for the walls on three sides. Outside those shutters were short trees with limbs that moved in a good breeze. (Those of you familiar with the movie have already guessed where I’m going with this.)

In the movie, when someone was turned into a vampire, he or she would visit a friend or loved one and scratch outside their window, asking to be let in.

Well, that night, there was a strong breeze, and when the tree limbs brushed against my window-walls on all three sides, needless to say, I was terrified and imagined that vampires were outside begging to be let in to drain my blood. And no, I did not open the shades to check, not until morning light sent the vamps packing.

Case 2: Door Bumping

I was an adult when I discovered the absolute scariest motion picture ever made. For those who realize it, that movie is 1963’s The Haunting, based on Shirley Jackson’s equally “haunting” story, The Haunting of Hill House. That movie had few jump scares and relied more on a constant, building sense of madness to keep the viewer off-center and off-balance.

Lots of folks remember the sudden face at the top of the spiral staircase, but for me, it was the bumps on the door while Nell and Theo hugged each other, huddled in shared terror. In reality, I will most likely never see a ghost, but I will hear lots of loud bumps in the dark, and that’s something that triggers memories of that scene almost every time.

I share these examples to show that the best horror isn't forced or faked or manipulated through tricks, but maintained through the steady use of narrative technique.

What made Salem's Lot scary was how the story affected me. And the same goes for The Haunting. And guess what? Each of those was a terrifying book before it became a motion picture -- and if they hadn't both been so damn scary as books, they never would have been made into movies.

You’re Not in Control, Like in the Movies

Writing scary is hard. Movies have it a lot easier when it comes to horror. They control the eye, and thus, they also control the mind of the viewer.

Writing scary is hard. Books are stuck in one place, but the reader isn’t. Skip ahead a few pages and the suspense can be ruined. Put the book down, and the tension is released. The writer has no control of the reader’s eye, no power to keep them from turning a page... besides those specific to all other genres of writing of course.

Writing scary is hard. It's really hard because it takes an understanding of the human mind, memories, senses, and universal generalities about the human condition. In a story, you don't have the luxury of visual shorthand to creep readers out like directors do in a scary movie.

Jump scares? Nope. Sorry. The reader controls the pacing. And he or she can skip ahead or backward at will. That clutching crone hand can go backward and forward and be skipped altogether based on the reader's whims.

Graphic visual scares? Gore? Sorry again. Unless you're the most visceral writer ever, written gore falls short. And overused, it simply becomes words on a page made less by the sheer volume of them.

So, as a writer, you're stuck with having to be a psychological and writing genius. But how? While I'm far from an expert on horror outside of reading it for years and knowing what I like (as the saying goes), I have written several tales in the genre, from ghosts to monsters to zombies and creepy human beings, and I've learned a few things with each telling.

Thanks for Reading Thus Far; Now Here’s Your Reward

The key to writing horror, as least as I see it (and you’ll find as many different takes on this as you can find authors, I’m sure), is to camp out in the concepts of discomfort and dread. You’re not going to surprise scare a reader. You’re going to slowly overwhelm them with several smaller “uneases” that become a full-blown “creepy” and finally if you’ve done your job right, all-out dread.

Dread is that feeling that keeps a reader’s stomach unsettled, that scene that makes them feel phantom pains in the same limb or joint the killer keeps sticking a pin into, the sum of all the chills up a spine and “what if” scenarios of the mind a reader keeps accumulating during the time it takes to read your tale.

But how?

1. Be visceral. But don't mistake visceral for gross. For example, while a limb being removed and force fed to a tied up victim is certainly a compelling image in a story, it may not be as effective as something as simple as a sewing needle being wedged into the soft skin beneath a dry fingernail.

My friend Kimberly Richardson is a master of this technique, as demonstrated in her story “Silk” from the collection Tales from a Goth Librarian. I won’t spoil it, but you definitely need to read it to see perhaps the best lesson on this topic you’ll ever see.

2. Tap into the universal fears. For example, when I wrote "Nymph" for the Gene Simmons House of Horror graphic novel collection (yes, I know that it's not pure prose, but bear with me), I wanted to recreate the sense of being lost in the woods, in a place where you're at the mercy of the natural world. When I was a kid the woods were creepy more often than not, and I had lost that feeling after moving to Atlanta and growing up. But I knew there was something innate, subconscious about being afraid of being lost in the woods, and I wanted to tap into that.

In Robert W. Chambers’ tale “In the Court of the Dragon,” from The King in Yellow, the narrator begins to notice he is being followed by a sinister church organist. Very few people enjoy being singled out, and none I know who like being singled out for a nefarious purpose. Add to that the idea of the messenger of death, and Chambers is able to touch on two universal fears at once in this story.

Another master of this technique is Neil Gaiman. What’s worse for a child than to have your own mother against you? And yet, that’s the premise for his newly classic Coraline. Is there any more universal fear than being hunted by those who are supposed to protect you?

3. Discover the specific, individual fears make a person tick. For example, in my zombie tale "Posthumous" (from Zombiesque by Daw/Penguin Books), it's not the decaying body of the zombie that makes her creepy. It's her determination to save her marriage, her blind, unwavering determination to do so regardless of the consequences to anyone else. Incidentally, this is something I learned from the writing of C.S. Lewis, that the great goods also have the capacity for becoming the greatest evils.

Stephen King did this well in the story “N.” Bear in mind that I have OCD and I constantly rearrange books on a coffee table, look for even numbers on everything from the radio volume to the number of french fries I eat at a time. Yeah, I know. Weird. But look it up online. I’m not alone in this. So when King asked what if those crazy little habits are the only things keeping a terrifying other universe from invading our own, that really resonated with me.

4. Unleash your horrors on ALL the senses. Don't let just sounds and sights convey your protagonist's woes and horror. Go deeper. Is that smell like the burn ward at a hospital? Does the touch of the killer leave grease and sweat on a victim's neck? Does the hooker's kiss taste like she's been eating rotting meat? Engage all the senses that can convey fear and discomfort.

As simple as this should be to writers, it’s perhaps the most underutilized. It merely requires us to shift from the “first gear” of what we see and hear to the higher gears that are stronger and more efficient.

Jessica McHugh, a fellow writer I’ve met a few times on the convention circuit, really, and I do mean REALLY gets this one. If you can read her work without really feeling the tightening in your gut (even to the point of wanting to empty your stomach sometimes), then you’ve got a mind and gut of steel. Don’t believe me? Then try to sit through this one turned audio at The Wicked Library podcast: Extraction.

5. Use sounds that bother the reader, not just the characters. You can make up words that sound like stuff. The official literary term for this is onomatopoeia, and it works because it plays games with the reader's ear, whether they hear the sounds spoken aloud or not.

For example, in my steampunk horror tale "Death with a Glint of Bronze" for Dreams of Steam II: Brass and Bolts, I hit the reader right off the bat with the "crick-cracking of the neck bone where it attaches to the top of the spine." But the following sentence continues the idea, simply by using sounds that create a stop and reflow, like restricted breathing might sound: "Then there is the delicious constriction as the breath slowly ceases its movement through the windpipe."

6. Don't try to be "horror movie" scary. Aim for "imagination" scary. Go for the stuff that no movie could ever film, you know, the kind of sick, warped, crazy stuff that could only take shape in someone's imagination as they read. For example, does anyone really know by reading Lovecraft's stories what an elder god truly looks like? We have ideas, but that's all. We have the accepted image that has become synonymous with the tales, but let's be honest -- does that fully match the horror you imagined in your psyche when you first read the words of Lovecraft's description? On a similar note, isn't your personal nightmare of Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky far creepier than any of the drawings you've seen of it?

Ray Bradbury is the master of this kind of scare, and he isn’t afraid to leave the action sequences “off panel,” preferring to let the characters fears become the readers’ fears. One need only read Something Wicked This Way Comes or his short story “The Veldt” to see this master at play.

7. Make your setting as important as your characters. Setting is perhaps the most effective weapon in your arsenal as a writer when it comes to horror fiction. Choose the right setting and you’ve already done half the work. Why does Stephen King trap people on islands so much? Isolation. An island is a cage full of open doors that don't matter.

Why is Gothic fiction (even Gothic romance) so creepy? It’s those castles and mansions. Empty spaces and echoes. Secret rooms.

But let’s think a little more contemporarily too. Movie theaters with the lights out. Joe Hill covered that to great effect in the story “20th Century Ghost” from the 20th Century Ghosts collection. From the same collection, “Last Breath” captures the eeriness of dirty, unkempt roadside attractions during long car rides on family vacations.

But Wait! There’s More!

These techniques aren’t just for horror. A little bit of scary can often improve even the best love story, or perhaps a dramatic literary book.

Don’t believe me?

Okay, smarty-pants. I’ll prove it to you.

1. Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier -- What makes this book memorable? Is it the forlorn new bride left mostly alone in the big house (shades of The House of the Seven Gables, anyone?)? Is it the lingering tension that her new husband could be a killer? Perhaps it’s the big, creepy, gothic type mansion with rooms she’s not supposed to visit. Is it the way Du Maurier forces the reader to use his or her imagination just as the protagonist does? Why, yes. Yes, it is.  And guess what? All those are elements of horror. The key fear: those who are supposed to protect you turn against you.

2. Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton -- Let’s look at setting first. The frozen, rural town. What is more isolating, more soul-crushing to someone whose biggest goal is to live vibrantly? The sense of oppression doesn’t let up from the moment Ethan kisses Mattie. Tension mounts as they try to break out and find freedom, but fate has other plans, and ironically it’s the setting itself that becomes the “monster” that kills their chance at happiness. The key fear: failure to find happiness, and becoming the very thing you hated in the first place.

3. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte -- Not only is the Gothic setting of this novel unsettling, but it seems to pervade through all the characters as well. Not only that, there are visions of ghosts, multiple creepy (and needless) deaths in the house, and unpunished sins left to fester that plague not only Heathcliff, who ultimately must die alone with his ghosts. The key fears: loneliness, isolation, and rejection.

4. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Ronald Dahl -- Who's creepier than Dr. Victor Frankenstein? Willy Wonka. It's like Friday the 13th for kids in this book. Who gets knocked off next? Sure, they make it out (kind of) okay, but wow at the horror in here. Mauled by squirrels, shrunk, juiced, almost drowned in chocolate, etc. That Wonka was one whacked-out mad scientist. Key fears: how about squirrels, getting shrunk, drowned, and juiced? How does that grab you?

Okay, Bye-Bye Now

That's all I've got to give you, but if you can learn to do even those seven things well, you'll never hurt for a job writing truly frightening horror stories.

31 Days of Halloween -- Streaming Services

 Enjoy this handy list of where to stream your 31 days of Halloween this year!

UPDATED FOR HALLOWEEN 2024! Horror Movies that Influence Me as a Writer

Note: This is an update to this post. So many new movies have come out and I've caught up on a few I still had managed to miss from the "good old days" that it felt like the right time to update this list. 

As a writer of horror stories and connoisseur of scary flicks, I get asked a lot what my favorite horror movies are. Well, it's not that simple with me (it never is; ask my wife and kids). There are so many and how can one possibly pick a favorite when there are favorites in so many subgenres? (It's like how my wife tells me she can have more than one best friend when "best" is a superlative, not a comparative.) 

Anyway, as of this moment in time (subject to change), this is my list of favorite horror movies (and those that influenced my ideas and my writing) categorized by subgenre. 

If you want to consider this your own "to watch" list, I won't stop you. It's a fantastic list (at least in my opinion) of the essential horror stories committed to film. 

FYI, you will notice some crossover between subgenres, because, well, that's just the way horror works. 

New Category#1! Sinister Locations

My son Evan recommended that I include this as a new category, and the more I thought about it, he was right. I don't include a mere haunted house tale in this list though. Those will be under Ghost Stories/Haunted Houses. This list is reserved for a place that is more than haunted; it is cursed, unclean, unwelcoming and out to get you.

1. Hausu

2. As Above, So Below

3. YellowBrickRoad

4. In the Mouth of Madness

5. Dead & Buried

6. The Shining

7. Messiah of Evil

8. The Watcher in the Woods

9. Silent Hill

10. Dave Made a Maze

11. Suicide Forest

12. Population 436

13. Cabin in the Woods

14. Pet Sematary

15. Southbound

16. Skinamarink

17. The Dark

18. Neon Demon

19. Jugface

20. Waxworks

New Category#2! Kaiju

Who doesn't love giant monsters? It all began with the two kings, Kong and Godzilla. But American sci-fi quickly picked up on the theme and gave us lots of giant monsters thanks to the dangers of atomic bombs and chemicals polluting our waters. 

1. King Kong 1933

2. Gojira 1954

3. Godzilla Minus-1

4. Troll Hunter

5. Tremors

6. Them

7. King Kong 2005

8. The Host

9. Godzilla 2014

10. Destroy All Monsters

11. Monsters

12. Cloverfield

13. Mothra

14. Rodan

15. Kong: Skull Island

16. Tarantula

17. The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms

18. Nope 

19. The Mist

20. Q the Winged Serpent

21. Pacific Rim

22. Attack of the 50 Foot Women

23. The Blob 1988

24. Anaconda

25. Colossal 

New category! Stephen King Adaptations

His work has been adapted into films more than any other living writing writer, probably any writer living or dead, period. Some are fantastic, some are, well, less than fantastic. But here are the ones that have most influenced my work. 

1. Cujo

2.  Salem's Lot (1979)

3. Christine

4. The Shining (1980)

5. Carrie (1976)

6. It, Chapter 1

7. The Mist

 8. Gerald's Game

 9. 1408

10. It (1990)

11. Needful Things

12. Doctor Sleep

13. Pet Sematary (1989)

14. Secret Window

15. Misery

16. Desperation

17. It, Chapter 2

18. Maximum Overdrive (sure, it's silly but so much fun)

19. Cat's Eye

20. The Langoliers

Ghost Stories

For me, ghost stories are my favorite genre of horror tales, and whether they're about a haunted person, house, or even plot of land, I'm all in. 

1. The Orphanage

2. The Devil's Backbone

3. The Haunting (1953)

4. Thir13en Ghosts

5. The Others

6. Ju-on

7. The Ring (US version) 

8. The Innocents

9. In a Dark Place

10. The Sixth Sense 

11. The Shining

12. Session 9

13. The Terror

14. Kwaidan

15. The Babadook

16. Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

17. Last Night in Soho

18. Crimson Peak

19. I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House

20. The Changeling

The Living Dead

I'm really burned out lately on zombies, and I'm really tired of the "zombies as the apocalypse" theme. I love, however, to see directors and screenwriters do something new and different with the living dead, which for me also includes mummies and ghouls returned from the grave. 

1. Dead Girl

2. Night of the Living Dead

3. Carnival of Souls

4. The Fog (original) 

5. Tombs of the Blind Dead

6. Make Out With Violence

7. 28 Days Later

8. Dawn of the Dead

9. The Re-Animator

10. Zombi 2

11. Dead Snow

12. Brain Dead

13. Dance of the Dead (2008)

14. Return of the Living Dead

15. Day of the Dead

16. Candyman

17. Hello, Mary Lou: Prom Night 2

18. The Ghost Galleon

19. Night of the Seagulls

20. Blood from the Mummy's Tomb

Dr. Frankenstein/The Monster

The scientist who wants to play god is another of my favorite genres in horror, but not just that. This type of film also includes for me those who can't accept the "wrong" parts of people and want to create a sort of perfect version, even in non-science-y ways. 

1. Deadly Friend

2. Bride of Frankenstein

3. The Bride

4. Frankenstein

5. Frankenstein Created Woman

6. May

7. Lady Frankenstein

8. Splice

9. Embryo

10. Demon Seed

11. Halloween III: Season of the Witch

12. Depraved

13. The Spirit of the Beehive

14. The Curse of Frankenstein

15. Ex Machina

16. M3ghan

17. Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman

18. The Island of Dr. Moreau

19. The Golem

20. M3gan

Vampires

Vampires. The original bad boys long before they ever sparkled. Let's just get this straight. I don't mind modern romantic vamps, but I prefer even my romantic vamps to enjoy a good rip of the jugular every now and then. 

1. From Dusk Till Dawn

2. Forsaken

3. Dracula (Spanish Version)

4. Let the Right One In

5. Night Watch

6. Chronos

7. Shadow of the Vampire

8. Nosferatu

9. Prey

10. Salem's Lot (original TV miniseries)

11. Near Dark

12. Dracula (Universal)

13. Lost Boys

14. Fright Night

15. 30 Days of Night

16. Strigoi

17. The Night Stalker

18. Embrace of the Vampire

19. Taste the Blood of Dracula

20. The Brides of Dracula

Werewolves and Shapeshifters

Lycanthropes may be the A-listers in the shapeshifter crowd, but the world of therianthrope isn't limited to just wolves. I think for writers, the shapeshifters offer one of the best shorthand for looking into what makes humanity actually human, whether, wolf or cat or snake or lizard.

1. Cat People (original)

2. Howling

3. Howling V: The Rebirth

4. An American Werewolf in London

5. The Wolfman (original)

6. The Reptile

7. The Gorgon

8. Cursed

9. Cat People (remake)

10. Dog Soldiers

11. Silver Bullet

12. Blood and Chocolate

13. Underworld

14. The Wolfman (remake) 

15. The Curse of the Werewolf

16. Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman

17. Ginger Snaps

18. Werewolves Within

19. Hisss

20. Night of the Cobra Woman

Demons/Devils

There are as many cultures of demons in the world as they're are countries and cultures of people. Although movies tend to default to the Western devil and demons, I wanted to include a few other brands of the demonic here as well. 

1. Wishmaster

2. Sinister

3. The Beyond

4. The Exorcist

5. Lisa and the Devil

6. Rosemary's Baby

7. Drag Me To Hell

8. Jennifer's Body

9. The Evil Dead

10. Hellraiser

11. Demons

12. Night of the Demons

13. The Garden (2006)

14. Insidious

15. The Exorcism of Emily Rose

16. The Last Exorcism

17. Nightmare on Elm Street

18. Antrum

19. Prince of Darkness

20. Hereditary

"Witches"/Cultists

Yeah, I know there's a huge difference between horror movie witches, Wiccans, and nature worshippers, but for this list it if fits in any of those it works. 

1. Suspiria

2. Black Sunday

3. City of the Dead (Horror Hotel)

4. The Dunwich Horror

5. The Wicker Man

6. The VVitch

7. The Babysitter

8. Curse of the Demon

9. Midsommar

10. House of the Devil 

11. Witching and Bitching

12. Season of the Witch

13. The Virgin Witch

14. The Love Witch

15. Inferno

16. Mother of Tears

17. Rosemary's Baby 

18. The Witch

19. The Woods

20. Viy

21. The Craft

22. Blood on Satan's Claw

23. Witchouse

24. The Autopsy of John Doe

25. The Lords of Salem

Slashers

It's the genre that will never take a break, much less die. Knives, axes, machetes, pointy sticks, bows and arrows, you name it, these folks use any tools at their disposal to dispose of their victims for revenge or no motive at all. And we still love to watch them. 

1. Twitch of the Death Nerve (Bay of Blood)

2. Peeping Tom

3. The Burning

4. Halloween

5. Sleepaway Camp

6. Friday the 13th Part II

7. Dementia 13

8. Hatchet

9. Audition

10. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

11. Stage Fright (2014)

12. Last House on the Left (original)

13. I Spit on Your Grave (original)

14. Theatre of Blood

15. The Visit

16. All the Boys Love Mandy Lane

17. Martyrs

18. Final Girls

19. The Banana Splits Movie

20. Happy Birthday to Me

Creature Features

For my list, I'm separating supernatural and mutated creatures from the "Nature Gone Wild" critters. These monsters should be way about sharks and bears on the scary-meter. And they are. The thing I love about this genre is that often the critters are more sympathetic than their prey. 

1. Pumpkinhead

2. Gojira

3. She Creature

4. Pan's Labyrinth

5. The Creature from the Black Lagoon

6. Silent Hill

7. Dagon

8. Feast

9. Troll Hunter

10. Humanoids from the Deep

11. Tremors

12. Nightbreed

13. The Mist

14. Digging Up the Marrow

15. The Host

16. The Bay

17. Jeepers Creepers

18. Tremors III

19. The Golem

20. Cellar Dweller

Nature's Monsters

You'll never go back into the water. You'll never venture alone in the woods. You won't piss off earthworms or birds anymore either. 

1. Jaws

2. Cujo

3. The Birds

4. Eight-Legged Freaks

5. Piranha (original)

6. Chaws

7. Deep Blue Sea

8. Orca

9. Squirm

10. Willard

11. Empire of the Ants

12.  Marabunta

13. Alligator

14. Grizzly

15. Razorback

16. Food of the Gods

17. Anaconda

18. Snakes on a Plane

19. Cocaine Bear

20. Zoombies/Zombeavers

Aliens

At some point, sci-fi aliens shifted from adventure to horror, and I love it. Who says first contact should be with something we can categorize and tame? Certainly not these otherworldly killer critters?

1. Alien

2. Slither

3. A Quiet Place

4. John Carpenter's The Thing 

5. Aliens

6. The Blob (remake) 

7. Species

8. Virus

9. Night of the Creeps

10. Bad Taste

11. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (remake) 

12. Phantasm

13. Pitch Black

14. Day of the Triffids

15. Planet of the Vampires

16. Galaxy of Terror

17. Dead Space: Downfall

18. Under the Skin

19. The Mist

20. Killer Klowns from Outer Space

Psychos

There's often a lot of crossover between psychos and slashers, but a true psycho is out of his/her/their mind. They often have little to no rationale for their killings, and if they do, it's because of a break from sanity. They take the murderous urge above and beyond the average.

1. Nightmare in the Wax Museum

2. House of 1000 Corpses

3. Psycho

4. Misery

5. The People Under the Stairs

6. Pieces

7. The Devil's Rejects

8. The Boy

9. 2000 Maniacs

10. Eaten Alive

11. Saw

12. Don't Breathe

13. The Collector

14. Dressed to Kill (and yes, there are problematic issues that don't translate well to today)

15. Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator

16. Christine

17. 31

18. The Devil's Rejects

19. Fade to Black

20. The Pit and the Pendulum

Creepy Kids

Creepy kids have to be the absolutely creepiest movie "monsters." But it's so easy to overdo them and turn a flick into a farce. There's a very fine line that must be walked for the story to avoid the "cornfield" motif from Twilight Zone. 

1. Orphan

2. The Omen

3. Children of the Corn

4. Cooties

5. The Children (1980)

6. Hard Candy

7. Village of the Damned

8. The Bad Seed (1956)

9. You'd Better Watch Out

10. Wicked Little Things

11. Who Can Kill a Child

12. Alice, Sweet Alice

13. The Brood

14. Goodnight Mommy

15. Them (2006)

16. The Children (2006)

17. Kill, Baby, Kill

18. Case 39

19. Spider Baby 

20. Pet Semetary

Holiday Horror

I love just about any horror flick that is attached to a holiday. They can be so much fun, and typically they don't take themselves too seriously. Some though can be super creepy and terrifying, in spite of the holiday trappings (or often because of them). 

1. Black Christmas (original)

2. Halloween

3. Rare Exports

4. Santa's Slay

5. Saint

6. Gremlins

7. April Fool's Day

8. My Bloody Valentine (original) 

9. Anna and the Apocalypse

10. Trick or Treat

11. Satan's Little Helper

12. A Christmas Horror Story

13. Wind Chill

14. Dead End

15. Santa Jaws

16. Letters to Satan Claus

17. Holidays

18. Krampus

19. Terror Train

20. Violent Night

Anthologies

Okay. A lot of anthologies kind of suck. Maybe one good segment in a bucket filled with crap. But a few, a select few, get it right. Maybe by theming with a good theme. Maybe by lining up great writers and/or directors. Or just maybe by getting lucky. 

1. Trilogy of Terror

2. Trilogy of Terror II

3. Tales from the Crypt

4. From a Whisper to a Scream

5. V/H/S

6. Creepshow

7. The House That Dripped Blood

8. Asylum

9. Southbound

10. The Field Guide to Evil

11. Trick 'r Treat

12. Creepshow 2

13. A Christmas Horror Story

14. V/H/S II

15. Dr. Terror's House of Horrors

16. Tales from the Hood

17. XX

18. The Uncanny

19. Cat's Eye

20. Ghost Stories

Creepy Comedy

There's a big difference (at least to me) between a comedy movie that adds tropes from horror and a horror flick that paces and dresses like a comedy during its runtime. I tend to like them both. But the best is the kind that integrates both genres almost seamlessly. 

1. Bubba Ho-Tep

2. Shaun of the Dead

3. House (with William Katt)

4. Monster Squad

5. Black Sheep

6. Fido

7. The Cottage

8. Trailer Park of Terror

9. Doghouse

10. Tucker and Dale vs. Evil

11. Elvira Mistress of the Dark

12. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (movie, not series)

13. Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein

14. Grabbers

15. Zombieland

16. Evil Dead II

17. Abbot and Costello Meet the Mummy

18. Psycho Goreman

19. Young Frankenstein

20. Zombie Strippers

Giallo Horror

When Noir abandoned black and white, it found the world of four-color gore and violence. This is one of my favorite genres to watch. I love the Everyman aspect, caught up in a dangerous crime spree or mystery. And I love the way this type of film skirts the edges of horror tales and mystery stories. 

1. Don't Torture a Duckling

2. Deep Red

3. Blood and Black Lace

4. Hatchet for the Honeymoon

5. Bird with the Crystal Plumage

6. Tenebre

7. The Case of the Bloody Iris

8. Cat O' Nine Tails

9. Kill, Baby, Kill

10. Four Flies on Velvet

11. Night of the Glass Dolls

12. The Red Queen Kills Seven Times

13. Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key

14. Black Belly of the Tarantula

15. Unsane

16. A Blade in the Dark

17. Whatever Happened to Solange?

18. Don't Look Now

19. The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh

20. The Perfume of the Woman in Black

21. Baba Yaga

22. The Girl Who Knew Too Much

23. Lizard in a Woman's Skin

24. The Iguana with the Tongue of Fire

25. Stage Fright 

Body Horror

This one can be a tough genre to watch. It tends to revel in its super-gross-out ideas and images. It can be sickening down to its core concept (I'm looking at you Centipede). But when maintaining a fantastic story to accompany that imagery, they can be the most memorable stories around.

1. Videodrome

2. Blue My Mind

3. Dr. Jeckyll and Sister Hyde

4. Altered States

5. Shivers

6. The Human Centipede II

7. The Fly

8. Teeth

9. Spring

10. Thale

11. Tetsuo the Iron Man

12. Society

13. The Fly (Jeff Goldblum)

14. Sssssss

15. Splinter

16. Dead Ringers

17. American Mary

18. Eraserhead

19. The Skin I Live In

20. Tusk

Voodoo

Voodoo is a mixed bag in horror. Some films treat it as a bogeyman and make stuff up left and right to give it more horror gravitas while some evil cast it as the "white man's fears of others" -- some select few at least try to treat it fairly as a religion. But whatever the bag it's put in, it's still the home of the original zombies. 

1. White Zombie

2. The Serpent and the Rainbow

3. Scream Blacula Scream

4. Venom

5. Eve's Bayou

6. Sugar Hill

7. The Skeleton Key

8. Ritual

9. Jessabelle

10. I Walked with a Zombie

11. The Plague of the Zombies

12. Black Mamba

13. The Curse of the Doll People

14. I Eat Your Skin

15. Ouanga

Gateway Horror for Kids

Even as a kid, I loved being scared by movies. Without these horror-themed entry-level flicks, where would kids like me have ended up? Some were designed to be horror-lite, but some just took elements of horror and wove them in to build in the creepy factor. Either way, they were my gateway drug as a kid. 

1. Coraline

2. Corpse Bride

3. Monster Squad

4. Goosebumps (the movie) 

5. Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

6. The Gate

7. Willy Wonka

8. Monster House

9. The Watcher in the Woods

10. ParaNorman

11. Hocus Pocus

12. Little Monsters

13. Gremlins

14. The Lady in White

15. The Witches

Super Powers Gone Crazy

As a writer of superhero fiction, I love it when horror and superpowers mix. Call me a cynic, but I think if we have powers like that in the real world, they would more often lend themselves to moments of real horror than to moments of Boy Scouts saving folks from falling buildings. 

1. Phenomena

2. Carrie

3. The Fury

4. Firestarter

5. Brightburn

6. The Crow

7. New Mutants

8. Split

9. Scanners

10. Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Warriors

11. Akira

12. Dead Zone

13. Chronicle

14. Blade

15. Tourist Trap

Creepy Dolls

On the creepy scale, does anything rate higher than creepy dolls? I mean, really? (Okay, maybe clowns, but even that would be too close to call without a photo finish.) What is it about things that are almost lifelike that scare us so? Especially things that are inanimate. Is there something in them that reflects something we don't want to face back at us?

1. Dolls

2. Puppet Master

3. The Boy

4. Dead Silence

5. Love Object

6. M3ghan

7. Magic

8. Dolly Dearest

9. Marronnier

10. Corn

11. Tourist Trap 

12. Annabelle

13. Devil Doll

14. Bride of Chucky

15. Trilogy of Terror

16. The Devil's Machine

17. Baba Yaga

18. Anatomy

19. The Doll Master

20. Love Object

Stupid Shark Movies

I'll admit it. I love shark movies, both the genuinely awesome, scary ones that make me look twice at the ocean before entering the water at the beach AND the ones that are so stupid, so ridiculous that I simply laugh all the way through at the zany situations they create on celluloid. In fact, sometimes I prefer the really goofy ones, and the dumber the better. 

1. Sharktopus

2. Sharknado

3. Santa Jaws

4. Sand Sharks

5. Ice Sharks

6. Ghost Shark

7. Two-Headed Shark Attack

8. Empire of the Sharks

9. Sharknado III

10. Planet of the Sharks

11. Trailer Park Shark

12. Jurassic Shark

13. Ouija Shark

14. Toxic Shark

15. Malibu Shark Attack

16. Three-Headed Shark Attack

17. Sky Sharks

18. Shark Night

19. Shark Week

20. House Shark

Torture Porn

Not a fan of this subgenre, but the first Saw and the first Hostel, like the original found footage cannibal films, were groundbreaking horror flicks. Seems like the films they inspired were just insipid and uninspired derivatives. 

1. Saw

2. Hostel

3. The Wizard of Gore (original)

4. Martyrs

5. Cannibal Holocaust

Truly Weird/Genre Defying/Outliers

This last list is for my absolute favorite type of horror flicks, the kinds that don't fit neatly, or often at all, into easily definable categories. This is the place where the truly gifted or the truly insane come out to play. It's the kitchen where writers and directors operate with a blender and a spray nozzle more than with a paintbrush or a list of classic techniques and storylines. And it's where the best of the best in horror can usually be found (at least in my opinion). 

1. Uzumaki

2. Lake Mungo

3. Rubber

4. The Lift

5. Lord of Illusions

6. From Beyond

7. Chopping Mall

8. The Woman

9. Jacob's Ladder

10. Freaks

11. Donny Darko

12. Us

13. The Deaths of Ian Stone

14. Irreversible

15. It Follows

16. Frontier(s)

17. The Broken

18. The Baby

19. Scare Me

20. Santa Sangre 

Free Halloween Story -- And So She Asked Again,

This story first appeared in Reel Dark by Blackwyrm Publishing. 

“For whom do you wait?” he said, and I answered, “When she comes I shall know her.” 
—Robert W. Chambers, “The Studio,” The King in Yellow 

And so she asked again, “Are you still waiting for that woman?” 

Reed looked up from his tablet, stopped typing on his wireless keyboard, and grinned at the girl across the counter. “Yeah, I guess so.” 

“You do know she’s dead, right?” the girl tossed her hair back, flicking a solid streak of purple amid the unnaturally dark black. “Besides that, she wasn’t real. She’s a movie character.” 

“What do you know about String Theory, Gert?” 

“God, I hate that I got stuck with that name. Why couldn’t my mom have been a hippy instead and named me something less stupid, like Sunshine or Rainbow?” 

Reed ignored her, and traced the Hello My Name Is Gert on her cockeyed name tag with his eyes, then let them dart over to her breast for the merest of moments. “Or even better, M-Theory.” 

“Gertrude. What a name to stick on a kid. I mean really. Gertrude. It sounds like throw up in my mouth. Try it,” she rambled at him. “Geeeeeert. Ruuuuude. Ugh. Sounds like vomit, right?” 

“I’m not a physicist, obviously. I’m just a writer.” 

“You’re just a guy collecting unemployment, technically.” 

He glanced at her above the top of his glasses, irritated, but her smile and the dazzling white of her teeth convinced him to relax. She didn’t mean anything by it. “Anyway,” he started again. 

But she interrupted. “Anyway, you’re not listening to me.” She wrinkled up her otherwise pleasant, roundish face and shook her head. 

“Gertrude. It’s awful, and you don’t even care. I thought you writers were supposed to be gentleman and sweep us ladies off our feet with your spectacular wit.” 

“Then I’ve got a biography of Hemingway you need to read. Besides, I’ve never heard you go by Gertrude a day in your life, and I’ve been coming to this diner for seven years if I’ve missed a day. Your name is Gert, as in pert, and it suits you. You’re perky and friendly and if you don’t mind me saying, talk a little too much when I’m supposed to be working. And to use your own logic against you, she can’t be dead and be just a movie character at the same time.” 

Gert propped her arms on her sides and sighed. “The actress is dead, you dope. You know what I meant. And I’m a woman, in case you haven’t noticed—” 

“I’ve noticed. I’m not blind.” 

“I was wondering. But as I was saying, I’m a woman, so don’t use logic against me. Don’t you read Cosmo? We women are feeling creatures, driven by our emotions, not by the coldness of logic.” 

“I’m pretty sure you’ve never read a single issue of Cosmo, Gert.” 

“Okay, you got me. And thank you.” 

“Thank you? For what?” 

“I’m sure I heard a compliment somewhere in all that cold logic.” 

“Whatever you choose to believe.” 

He laughed and shook his head at the girl with the purple streak in her hair, the girl mom would never have approved of, the girl who obviously wasn’t from the right kind of family, and the girl who probably actually used her breaks to smoke cigarettes and not just get away from the stress of waiting tables in a small-town diner. 

She returned the laugh. 

“So how’s the movie coming?” 

“Screenplay.” 

“Sorry. Screenplay. How’s the screenplay coming along?” 

“Reworking the intro. Something at the beginning of act three threw the rest of it off and now it doesn’t work.” 

“It’s her, isn’t it?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“The heroine. You’re basing her on that girl, the one you keep dreaming about.” 

“Barbara Steele?” 

“I guess that’s her name. All I know is she’s the girl with the long, black hair and the eyes like frozen metal.” 

He nodded. “That’s actually not a bad description.” 

She smiled. It seemed forced to him, but it wasn’t his business. He tapped his mug. “Can I get a refill?” 

“Regular still or are you ready to switch to decaf so you can sleep later?” 

“I’m a writer. I don’t know what sleep is.” 

“So, regular it is then.” She turned from the counter and took two steps to the coffee pot against the back wall. The banging of metal clanked through the thin wall, and Reed knew that was just Walt cooking to 1980s metal bands and playing the drums along with it on the pots and pans that hung from the ceiling. Gert grabbed the coffee pot with the orange rim and turned back to refill Reed’s mug, but he cupped his hand over the top. She grinned at him. “It’s cool, cowboy. It’s regular. We treat the orange around here like yellows on the traffic lights. Nothing but suggestions, and we ignore them more than half the time.” She leaned in and he moved his hand away. “The truth is,” she whispered, “I’m just too damn lazy today to wash out one of the other carafes.” 

Once the mug was full again, she put the pot back and surveyed the diner to see if the other customers needed anything. Of course, at two in the afternoon, there were no other customers in a blue-collar town like Hattsville. Lunch was firmly between 11:30 and 1:00 and then it was back to the grind, like so many gears in so many old-fashioned watches. 

“That’s your problem,” she said after the long silence. 

“What problem?” 

“The problem with the movie.” 

“Screenplay.” 

“Whatever. You’ve idolized this woman for so long that you just can’t get the distance you need to see the truth about her. Hell, they’re may not even be any truth about her anymore.” 

“So, when did you add writing coach to your list of skills along with waitressing and counseling?” 

“And don’t forget karate. I’m still taking that down at the Y.” 

“Noted. But back to the point, I don’t have a problem.” 

“Did or did you not just tell me you have to rework the beginning because the ending screwed it all up?” 

“Yep, but that’s normal.” 

“Sure, a normal problem for writers, I’m guessing. But in this case, it has less to do—and this is just my opinion, mind you—with your skills as a writer than it does with your infatuation with a woman who doesn’t exist.” 

Reed started to respond when his cell phone rang on his hip. He jerked it from the belt clip, stared at the name displayed there, then apologized to Gert with his eyes and took the call. 

“Yeah. I’ll be there. I’m just leaving now.” 

After a few seconds of saying goodbye, Reed hung up and pushed the full mug away from the tablet. He smiled, folded the tablet inside its leather case and rolled up the keyboard. 

“My aunt,” he said. 

“She’s a sweet old lady,” Gert said, wiping away the sweat from where the leather case had been. “And you’re a good nephew.” 

“She’s a witch,” he said. “If only you knew.”

And so she asked again, “Are you still waiting for that woman? I mean, waiting for her to fix the ending of your movie—sorry, screenplay.” 

“We never did finish our discussion about M-Theory,” Reed said. 

“No, we didn’t. How’s your Aunt?” 

“In this universe she’s the same, but in another—” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“M-Theory. It used to be the kind of nuthouse talk that could get a physicist kicked out and laughed out of a university as reader of too many comic books, but now even respected quantum physicists acknowledge the possibility, no, the probability or multiple universes strung together by strings or flat up against one another like the layers of an onion.” 

“Wow, do all writers have days like this or did you just take a crazy pill this morning with your usual vitamins?” 

Reed slammed his hand on the counter, and Gert jumped back with a start. “You’re not listening. I knew you wouldn’t. She told me you wouldn’t.” 

Gert bit her quivering lip, but fought through the fear and leaned in close to Reed’s face in spite of herself. “Reed, are you okay? I’m concerned about you.” 

“Damn your concern. Now listen. If universes are really onions and they can touch the layers of the two adjacent to us, then surely there’s room for bleedover from one to the next. It’s not just a theory.” 

“Listen, Reed. Do you want me to call a doctor? Or maybe your Aunt?” 

He did not resort to violence, but his eyes flashed red and told Gert he would if she pushed him further. “No. Not her. She’s the blasted cause of all this.” 

“Reed?” 

He grabbed his tablet and keyboard and glared at her, then turned around and stomped to the exit. Only he stopped before opening the door to leave. 

“I’ve seen it,” he said. “I’ve seen her.” 

Then he pushed open the door with his boot and left, leaving the little bell above tinkling in odd, dull clanks. 

“Are you—” Gert asked weakly into the phone after her shift ended. 

“No,” Reed answered, his voice calm and rational. “I’m not waiting for anyone anymore.” 

“I was going to ask if you were okay, but that’s good to know too.” She paused and listened to his breathing over the line. Loud enough to hear but not so loud that she feared for his health. “Because I have to be honest here. You kinda scared the hell out of me earlier today.” 

He said nothing. 

She waited. 

“Well, I’ll let you go. I just wanted to know that you were—” 

“Listen. Gert?” 

“Yeah?” “I just want to apologize about today. I wasn’t myself. I could tell you about the stress that dealing with my aunt has put on me and the pressure I’m putting on myself with this screenplay, but those are just excuses, and you deserve more than that.” 

“Um... Okay.” 

“I know you’ve been a good friend to me for all these years I’ve been writing at the diner for lunch, and well...” 

“Uh-huh?” 

“Well, I wanted you to know that I’m taking a night off from writing and a night off from taking care of my aunt. I’ve hired a nurse for the evening and he’s going to watch her for me.” 

“That’s good. I’m sure you need a night off.” 

“Not just that. I wondered...” 

“Yes?” she responded, failing to keep the lilt out of her voice. 

“Well, if you’d like to go with me on a late-night picnic or something? I could bring the DVD player and we could watch a movie just the two of us, overlooking the town at the Pointe.” 

She wanted to yell out yes, but something stopped her. “I don’t know, Reed. If you had asked me anytime before today, I would have practically wet myself saying yes. But after today, I just don’t know.” 

“I said I didn’t want to make excuses, but I guess I am going to have to make one. Remember how I told you my aunt is a witch? Well, she gave me something this morning that she only told me after the fact. She said it was supposed to release me from the world and let me channel ideas from one world to the next. She said a lot of things, but I think all it did was make me really angry and a little out of control.” 

“A little?” 

“Okay, a lot. But the point is. I’m pretty sure that’s all out of my system now, and I’d really like to apologize to you by taking you out to the Pointe for a picnic. You’ve fed me for years, and it’s about time I returned the favor.” 

She stared at the phone before answering. “I do like picnics after dark. Will there be champagne?” 

“The cheapest money can buy,” he said. 

“And no crazy.” 

“No crazy. I promise.” 

“Okay then.” 

“Okay what?” 

“Okay yes, silly. I’ll go on a date with you tonight.” 

It was Reed’s turn to pause. 

“Reed?” 

“Sorry. Was listening to the nurse about something. Good. I’ll pick you up at eight at your place?” 

“Sounds good.” 

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Gert grabbed her hoodie from the countertop and was putting it on when the phone rang again. 

“Hello. Walt’s Place.” 

“It’s me,” said Reed. 

“Hey.” 

“I forgot to ask where you lived.” He laughed. “Unless you just want me to pick you up at the diner, that is.” 

She returned the laugh. 

“You don’t, do you?” he asked. “I mean, after today, I wouldn’t blame you not wanting me to know where you live.” 

She laughed again. 

“My address is in the phone book, silly. Not to mention all over the freakin’ Internet.” She gave him the street number. “Eight o’clock then?” 

“Eight o’clock. And thanks again, Gert. You’ll never know what this means to me.” 

“Me too,” she said and hung up. “Me too,” she repeated to the emptiness of the diner. 

And so she asked, “So you’ve finally given up waiting for the impossible-to-find woman?” Gert asked as she took a sip of champagne. 

“I’m tired of impossible things,” Reed said, then took a bite of salad and crunched it more loudly than he would have preferred on a first date. “I need real things. Things I can touch and feel.” 

“Well, let’s not be in too big a hurry.” They laughed together, then she added, “I’ll never be her. You do know that, right?” 

“I don’t want her.” 

“But you want me now? Gert like in pert, all perky and purple?” 

“Didn’t say that either. I don’t know what or who I want now. I figured why not try and find that with somebody who already proved she wanted to be around me in spite of myself.” 

“So, listen...” 

“Yeah?” 

“If I ask you about your aunt, will you go crazy again?” 

He shook his head and loosened the paisley tie around his neck. “I feel overdressed,” he said. 

“Don’t.” She reached out and helped him with the tie. The back of his hands burned warm against her palms. “Hot-blooded, huh? I’m freezing.” 

He unbuttoned his cardigan and wrapped it around her shoulders, then leaned back and gave her plenty of room. “She’s fine,” he said. 

“What?” 

“You were asking about my aunt. She’s fine now.” 

“Now? Was she feeling ill?” 

“Not so much feeling it but she was very sick.” 

“So she’s...” 

“Sleeping. She’s trying a new sedative, and it seems to be helping where the others didn’t.” 

She downed the last of her champagne and poured another. “This is pretty good for the cheap stuff.” 

He smiled. 

“I’m glad she’s better.” 

He shook his head again. “I doubt very much that she’ll ever get better, but at least she’s resting and not in pain. I suppose that’s something.” 

She sipped from the champagne and nibbled on a turkey and Swiss sandwich while she watched him chow down like a man who hadn’t eaten in days. “Thish ish goo,” he mumbled, still chewing. 

“I guess it is.” 

“She made it for me.” He suddenly stopped chewing. 

“Who? Your aunt? I thought she was sleeping.” 

His expression dropped and took on dark tones. “Damn.” 

She backed away a half scoot, trying to pass it off with a grin and a weak laugh. “And you told me you wouldn’t go crazy.” 

He didn’t return the laugh. “I’m not crazy. I’m saner than I’ve ever been.” 

“Okay, Reed, you’re starting to freak me out again.” 

“I’m sorry. That’s not my intention. I only brought you here to introduce you to someone very special.” 

She stood up quickly and smoothed down her skirt over her black tights. “Okay...” 

“It’s me. I’m Reed Brannerd.” 

“Yeah, I know. We’ve known each other for years.” 

“No.” 

“No?” 

“No. I only just met you this week. You see, I’m not the Reed Brannerd you know. That’s why I kept asking you about M-Theory. I’m a very different Reed Brannerd indeed.” 

“Reed, I think you’re sick. I think all the dreaming and writing has affected you somehow. Let me take you to the doctor. Okay?” 

“I assure you I’m not sick, but the other Reed Brannerd was. He was very, very sick. Palsied of the spirit. I did him a favor by taking his place. You see, when the membranes touch, we can get through, but not every part of us. What you call the spirit, the essence of a creature, the soul if you must be religious about it, can cross over with ease, but it needs a host body if it is to stay. And I decided to stay.” 

“Stay?” 

“Yes, to stay. To take the sickly creature’s place in his own body. Sure, even in his weakened state, he fought me, but I finally got the upper hand last night. He’s gone for good now.” Reed tapped the top of his head twice, softly. “Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not Reed. Not anymore. Goodbye and good riddance.” 

“You’re not making any sense, Reed.” Gert glanced around for something she might use as a weapon, but aside from a small twig or two on the ground, nothing revealed itself. 

“I’m making perfect sense,” he said, stepping toward her. “It’s just that you aren’t ready yet to comprehend what I’m telling you. Sharing Reed’s body—your Reed, I mean—this week has yielded me so many new dreams and sensations. So, unlike your sick-spirited friend, I acted upon them. I searched my world and found her, the woman he so longed to be with.” 

“You’re talking crazy! Take me home now! This date is over.” 

He shook his head violently. “This date is only beginning, my dear. You’re not listening to me again. 

“I needed a body. She needs one too. And sure, my aunt was ready and willing to use her paltry spells to open a connection, did that old bat really think I wanted to let a jewel as precious as my love be housed in such a decrepit estate?” 

Gert ran past him to the car, hoping to find the keys inside. Instead, in her haste to search beside the seat, her sleeve got caught on the trunk release, and it popped open. A faint, putrid odor slithered into the night air. 

In spite of her fear, she ripped her sleeve loose, tearing a long gash in the thin fabric, and stumbled to the back of the car. Inside the trunk lay the body of an old lady. There were no wounds and no sign of struggle. But she wasn’t breathing, and judging by the stiffness of her limbs, hadn’t been for quite a few hours. 

“You said she was resting! But you killed her, you bastard! You fucking killed her! 

“Semantics,” he said. “That’s a word we writers use, Gert who’s pert. You would also probably want to know that your Reed did have feelings for you, but was—” 

“Yeah, sick. I get it.” She slammed down the trunk, but it didn’t catch and snapped back up a few inches. “But you’re sicker. You’re crazy sick. And I can prove it. If we’re on one onion and we’re touching another onion, when why are you the only person who can see the ghosts from that other membrane?” 

He stopped approaching and grinned wide. “I’m not. You just weren’t ready to see yet.” 

A branch snapped behind her and Gert jerked around. Staring into her face, mere inches away, were two blazing cold eyes of steel. 

Something hard cracked against the top of her skull, and she fell into the soft, damp grass. 

And so she asked again, “Are you still waiting for that woman?” She tossed her head and let her hair dance around her round, freshly painted face. “Or should I let my hair grow out? I do think I’ll keep the purple streak though. I quite like it.”

“No,” he said. “Like I told her, I’m tired of impossible things. I want someone I can touch and feel.” 

She pressed against him, the heat of his chest warming hers. She brushed the purple away from her eyes. “Then touch me,” she said, her cold eyes shining almost as black as the light fading from the room.